A Process for Finding the Ideal Mate
Each of us seeks the ideal partner, and yet statistically almost 50% of marriages end in divorce. One can only imagine the percentage of relationships between “partners for life” that have ceased to exist. Why is it so difficult to find our twin flame? (Someone birthed from the same seed of creation, a blossom that is part of our bouquet.) Why is it so hard to find happiness? Why do we feel so alone in a densely populated world? Why do some of us cry out for a relationship but are fearful of being vulnerable?
Why are our emotional relationships so important to us?
Our emotional relationships (66) enable us to evolve both emotionally and spiritually by bringing vulnerability into our lives. The number 66 (relationships) is a master number. Six is the number for love, 66 represents the unconditional love and acceptance of all things from a cosmic perspective, i.e., every thing is connected/related. It is through these loving experiences that we rediscover our true Self. The more emotionally vulnerable (6) we allow ourselves to be, the more compassionate (66) we become. The more compassionate we become, the closer we are to our divinity.
How do we find our ideal mate? Where do we look? How do we get them to notice us? “Inquiring minds want to know!”
Before we begin looking outside of ourselves for a relationship, we must first have a relationship with our Self. I’d like you to do an exercise for me. Fold your hands together by interlocking your fingers, with your palms facing you. Notice the way your fingers are interlocked. This is what we seek in a partnership, someone that completes us. This is what society refers to as the “ideal relationship”, the beloved and the loved intertwined with each other.
Slowly, begin pulling your hands apart.
Do you feel a resistance to the separation? This is the same resistance we feel when a relationship is ending. It represents our fears of abandonment and aloneness as well as the fear of loss of identity (an identity based on our role in the relationship).
Now that your fingers are completely separated, look at each hand and notice how the fingers have gaps between them. These gaps represent the gaps in our emotional selves that are filled by the beloved. If we need someone to complete us, we will seek and find co-dependent relationships.
When one leaves a co-dependent relationship, each partner returns to a state of incompleteness. To end this cycle of co-dependency, one must first become aware of it. (Catch-22.) Awareness develops as we begin to recognize our behavior patterns. Do I need to be needed? Do I pick partners that are emotionally weaker? Do I find it easier to give than receive? Do I need to be adored? Do I do for others to be loved or to maintain control?
It usually takes what I call a “Yo-Yo” relationship to make the pattern clear. Yo-Yo relationships enable us to experience both the emotional heights and the emotional depths of a relationship in a relatively short, but very intense, timeframe. Here’s an example of a Yo-Yo relationship:
There is a strong physical and emotional attraction between both partners. However, one partner makes a stronger emotional commitment than the other does. It could be love or it could be lust. It doesn’t make a difference; in either case it is intense. Dating begins and neither can live without the other. Five or six weeks into the relationship one partner says to the other, “You know we’ve really been seeing a lot of each other. It’s been very intense. I love you, I just need a little time.” You cry, you yell, you feel that all men/women are bastards/bitches. You get a little depressed. You feel a lot of pain. You still love them.
Some time passes and your beloved calls. They say they’ve missed you; they love you; they need to see you. Your heart soars! You make a date and pick up were you left off.
Another five or six weeks pass. Your partner says something to the effect of: “You know we’ve really been seeing a lot of each other. It’s been very intense. I love you; I just need a little time. You cry, you yell, you feel that all men/women are bastards/bitches. You get a little depressed. You feel a lot of pain. You still love them but now you are angry with them.
A week or so goes by and your beloved calls. They say they’ve missed you; they say they love you; they say they need to see you; they say they can’t live without you. Your heart soars! And then you hear a little voice, “Whoa there, do you see any pattern here?” At this point, if you can recognize the pattern of co-dependency, you can break it! Ask yourself why you need this relationship more than your partner does. Other lessons to be learned involve vulnerability and accepting the moment for what it offers.
How can we maintain a state of completeness even if our ideal partner leaves? We maintain our wholeness of self by first mastering a relationship with our Self. Look for someone that complements you not completes you.
Using the following technique will help you complete your Self.
To draw your ideal mate into your life, practice the following technique.
Make a list of at least seven characteristics you want your partner to have. For example:
I want someone that can be emotionally intimate . . . that can express their feelings and share their fears as well as their dreams.
I want someone that accepts me for my Self.
I want someone that is intellectually curious.
I want someone that is passionate about life and me.
I want someone with no children or no children living at home.
I want someone that is not married to their job.
I want someone that is doing what they love, not doing to be loved.
I want someone that loves to dance.
I want someone that is curious about life.
I want someone that is optimistic.
You can add to this list everyday and make it as long as you want. You can fill 30 volumes or a 3x5 card.
Review your list. Put a check mark next to each item that you are proficient in or have mastered. If you want someone that is doing what they love, ask yourself . . . are you? If the answer is a definite ‘YES’ put a check mark next to that item. (No “maybes” or sometimes allowed.)
If you can’t put a check mark next to a description, it indicates that this is something you need to be working on to draw that energy to you.
By becoming proficient in or mastering those characteristics we seek in our partners, we begin to radiate energy much like a lighthouse that can be seen by ships through miles of darkness. Our ideal partners are not only “out there” they are moving toward us everyday. The clearer we become about who we are, the easier it becomes to manifest our desires.
The most important point is not to allow your head to determine your choice of partners, but to listen to your heart. It is through the heart that the feeling Self communicates with the thinking Self. When the Ego* and Soul* communicate with each other, they create consciousness. Consciousness is honoring the feelings that emanate from your heart.
Our Soul, our eternal energetic essence, is always aware of what is best for the highest good . . . it co-wrote with the ego their plan for this incarnation.
Our Ego resides in our heads. It can intellectualize, rationalize, or justify any action or decision. The Ego’s primary issues are survival, control, vulnerability, and worthiness. Its decisions are influenced by fears of abandonment (refer to the article on abandonment issues on my website www.awakener.com.)
If you want strong, supportive, and intimate relationships with others, start with your Self. How? If you feel something is either right or wrong, honor it, contrary to what anyone else is saying you should do. This is the beginning of having a relationship with your Self.
Interpreting Numbers In Relation to Your Middle Name
(The Emotional Self)
Your middle name represents how you behave emotionally, the type of people you are attracted to and why you are attracted to them. The information presented here is a fraction of what is taken into consideration when determining an individual’s emotional personality. However, as a thumb nail sketch they are accurate.
Our emotional relationships (66) enable us to evolve emotionally and spiritually by allowing vulnerability into our lives. Numerically, the word “relationships” equals the number 66, a master number. Six is the number for love; 66 represents the unconditional love and acceptance of all things from a cosmic perspective, i.e., every thing is connected/related. It is through these loving experiences that we rediscover our true Self. The more we allow ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable (6), the more compassionate (66) we become.
Using the alpha-numeric conversion chart below, determine the numerical total of your middle name. For example, if your middle name is Benjamin, the B represents 2, the E is 5, the N is 5 etc. When you are finished, add all of the numbers then reduce them to a single digit.
It is especially important that you be aware of the double-digit total of the middle name. Look at each of the numbers. For example, the letters in Benjamin add up to 32/5, a 3 and a 2 combine to make the 5.
Look up the positive and negative meanings for the number 3 and determine if the individual has more positive or negative characteristics; then do the same for the number 2.
Having a sense of the combined numbers gives a stronger basis for determining whether the 5 will be more positive or more negative.
Meanings of the Emotional Numbers (One or more characteristics may apply.)
1 Wants to be in charge or may feel unworthy; may feel emotionally self-sufficient
2 Needs a partner; strong need to share; desire for harmony and peace; a compromiser; don’t always speak up in a timely manner
3 Not always optimistic; not very confrontational as they do not like disharmony; a romantic; could have emotional “ups and downs”; can be a cheer leader/optimist
4 Wants stability; can be somewhat judgmental; may procrastinate until certain of their emotions; finds it easier to give than receive; can be stubborn
5 Can be either to rigid or to flexible; may be a flirt; emotional “flightiness”; relationships meet physical needs; may seek multiple relationships
6 Wants to be the cosmic mother/father; domesticity is very important; loves love; likes to counsel others; faithful & true; can be a perfectionist; may become involved in co-dependent relationships (as the care giver)
7 Somewhat aloof and withdrawn; needs a spiritual partner; controlling to “make certain” everything goes well; a very strong need to be needed; feels hurt when advice is not accepted, finds it very difficult to be emotionally vulnerable
8 Has a temper; wants to be the boss; wants to delegate to others; can become frustrated if partner does not share their intensity; everything must pay; not very romantic
9 Can be loving, spiritual, unselfish, compassionate or very emotional, intense, ego-centered; finds it difficult to “let go”; a “Mother Theresa”; can perceive their self as “the great lover.”
Interpretations for the Numbers 1 – 9
Every number has a positive and negative flow of energy. In this instance the words positive and negative do not indicate good or bad they represent a directional flow of the energy of your choices. Behaviorally they can be referred to as reactive or proactive patterns.
To gain additional insights into your emotional makeup, read the positive and negative characteristics of the number representing your middle name.
1 – Issues of the Ego–Self
Self-directed, leader, paradigm buster, innovator, assertive, energetic, balanced, follows internal guidance, an initiator, comfortable with Self.
Passive, aggressive, egocentric, low self-esteem, fearful, a zealot, timid, a bully, arrogant, no sense of self
2 – Issues Involving Others
Sensitive, intuitive, cooperative, a mediator/arbitrator, organizer, harmonizer, friendly, communicates in timely fashion, detail oriented, tactful, loyal, has a good voice
Subservient, shy, overly sentimental, timid, careless about “things,” codependent, does not speak up for self, self-centered, difficulty letting go of emotional and sentimental attachments, blunt, insensitive, has difficulty working with others – not a team player, hides emotions, could be non-verbal, may beat people with the “hammer of truth”
3 – Issues Involving Communication, Social Interactions, Feelings of Inadequacy
Joyful, witty, artistic, charismatic, charming, creative, intelligent, optimistic, communicator, extrovert, visionary, musician, good sense of humor – likes to laugh.
Moody/emotional, unforgiving, scattered, introvert, exaggerates, vain, feelings of inferiority or inadequacy, leaves things unfinished, sarcastic, grandiose plans, jealousy, concerned about being judged, temperamental, ill-tempered, a bit of a gossip
4 – Issues Involving Details and “Getting Things Done”
Organized, architect, builder, systematic, logical, dependable, practical, manager, ability to totally focus on a task, a logician
Prejudicial, a reactionary, a procrastinator, unimaginative, gets lost in minutiae, stubborn, goes by their “book”, confrontational, dull, hides in logic, can be hateful
5 – Issues Involving Change And Movement
Flexible, freedom loving, physical, enjoys life, loves innovation and change, curious, can be a moderate, balanced, easily goes with the flow
Too rigid or too yielding … unbalanced, impulsive, self-indulgent, inconsistent, promiscuous, indulges to excess, deals with concepts not details, always in a hurry
6 – Issues Involving Family, Community, Relationships, Responsibility
Responsible, advisor/counselor/mentor, protector, nurturer, humanitarian, service oriented, domestic, compassionate, accepts responsibility
Perfectionist, a martyr, nosey, overly protective, difficulty making commitments, co-dependent, irresponsible, avoids obligations, commitments, relationships, and/or responsibility, needs to be in control, a giver of unsought advice.
7 – Issues Involving Abandonment, Trust, Skepticism, and Control
Trusting, spiritual, analytical, psychic, introspective, empathetic, objective, open and vulnerable, a seeker of knowledge, patient, insightful, analytical, can see all sides of an issue
Controlling, fearful, distrustful, impatient, , emotionally closed, mental or emotional paralysis from being overly analytical, socially/emotionally disconnected, a zealot, a martyr, has messianic feelings, codependent – has a need to be needed
8 – Issues Involving Power, Money, Control, or Status
Initiates/delegates/orchestrates, logical, likes to be in charge, a natural leader, makes it happen, good at politics, business, commerce, or leading institutions or organizations. Walks their talk. Regardless of what they wear, they always look good wearing it. A positive 8 also possesses knowledge, wisdom, and expertise.
Easily frustrated, temper, extravagant/cheap, dictatorial, stubborn, materialistic, demands recognition, mean, a bully, fearful of using personal power, can be disloyal if they feel slighted or ignored, has a fear of success, when money comes, it is always need for higher than expected expenses. May tend to avoid the world of business and commerce but complain about not having enough money.
9 - Issues Involving Selflessness
Selfless, loves unconditionally, compassionate, brotherhood, a natural actor, loves long distance travel, comfortable with all strata’s of society, works to raise the level of Self-awareness on the planet. Has let go of ego issues and embraced their higher Self.
Egotistical; needs recognition/appreciation/thanks for their “good deeds”; has difficulty letting go; can be fearful of showing any emotion; can be emotionally isolated or codependent; can be an “emotional pin cushion” i.e., holds the emotions and feelings of others like a reservoir holds water.
Michael is available for private consultations and group presentations. He can be reached at 561 866-5479 or through Michael@awakener.com.
By: Michael Brill