Abandonment Issues

Our Fears of Abandonment Are the Catalysts For Our Behavior Patterns and Health Issues


SPOILER ALERT! This article runs 12 pages.




Since 1985, I have developed and practiced a theory that melds the sciences of classical Pythagorean numerology and quantum dynamics, with the concepts of reincarnation and Gematria. I call it Cosmic Numerology (aka The Mathematics of Sociology.)


The premise of Cosmic Numerology is everything in the Cosmos vibrates; vibrations can be measured and decoded using letters and symbols. Numbers are symbols that represent the vibratory codes of creation. I use numbers to interpret the mathematics of sociology (i.e., the Why, What, and How of behavioral patterns.) Behavior patterns are determined, whether reactive or proactive, by the strength of cosmic abandonment issues. (The “cosmic abandonment” issue will be described further down in the article.)


Cosmic Numerology is the study of the vibratory frequencies of the Cosmos, including the alphanumeric patterns associated with the numbers, letters, and cycles, that compose the threads of our realities. To identify, define, classify, and categorize our realities, we use codes composed of letters and symbols in the form of names and birthdates. Names and birthdates can be assigned to any stand-alone entity from individuals, corporations, cultures, even fictional characters, and pets.


Numbers and letters represent the codes of Creation. The Codes are activated by energetic “consent,” a linking together of compatible electromagnetic charges that create partnerships with common intentions. (Refer to the five article series, in ARTICLES, “There’s Only Plan A.”) Cosmic Numerology views these codes as generated by reactive or proactive choices. Numbers can also reveal pre-conscious concerns and identify life’s challenges and their solutions. 


Whether it’s the name of an individual, an entity, or issues involving health, behavior, relationships, or the timing of events, they all have one thing in common; they symbolize the interrelationships of the energies, events, and interactions that effect our daily lives. 


Using the letters of a name and the numbers of a birthday, Cosmic Numerology interprets the emotional and psychological characteristics consciously chosen by the integrated Celestial and Physical selves (aka ego and soul.) Cosmic Numerology can identify past, present, and future challenges, as well as their solutions. 


Cosmic Numerology is a tool others can use to understand the meaning and purpose of their life, or the lives of others; it also helps develop the courage and faith to live a conscious proactive life by learning the purpose for our existence, and our importance in the Cosmic Plan.


Classical Pythagorean numerology uses the letters of a name and the numbers of a birthday to describe the opportunities and events to be experienced in this lifetime.  


In classical physics, there are absolutes, cause and effect, and duality. In quantum dynamics there are no absolutes, there are potentials, probabilities, and duality. Cosmic Numerology sees all energy as frequencies composed of combinations of particles and sub-frequencies generated by the energetic blending of the numbers 1 – 9. These combinations are composed of particles (and waves) that ultimately develop a group awareness leading to a group consciousness. This can be a group of cells, specific body systems, a business, country, galaxy, even a universe.


The concept of reincarnation revolves around the idea that we consciously choose what we want to experience in each life. Experiences or lessons not completed in a lifetime will eventually reappear for resolution in future lifetimes. (ARTICLES, “The Four Phases of Growth.”)


Reincarnation is similar to waking up on your birthday and being given a ticket to an amusement park by your parents. You go to the park and as you enter, are overwhelmed by your choices. You spend the whole day running through the park, riding as many rides as you can. Some you avoid because they are too scary, others you ignore because they are to “babyish” (been there, done that.) Some rides, will not allow you entry; you cannot meet their requirements for height or age, or you need to be accompanied by an adult. At the end of the day, you are exhausted from all of the activity. You go home, and just before drifting off to sleep ask your parents, if you can go back to the amusement park tomorrow. They say yes. You drift off to sleep, dreaming of what adventures you will have at the park the next day. 


For those readers that do not believe in reincarnation, I will paint a different picture. In science, there is what is known as, “the hydrologic cycle.” In this cycle, when precipitation falls from a cloud, regardless of where it lands (ponds, fields, deserts, on clothing,) it will ultimately evaporate, and rejoin the cloud. Same concept, different movies.



Gematria, used by the Assyrians, Babylonians, Greeks, and Hebrews, is the art of interpreting the alphanumeric and energetic relationships or hidden messages, found in letters, words, and names. In my experience, numbers associated with a health issue frequently correspond with the numbers representing core issues. My book, “Numerology for Healing,” uses Gematria to identify the underlying reactive behavior patterns that are the catalysts for 185 health issues, as well as providing behavioral solutions.


The Ego and the Cosmic Self (aka soul) combine their Earthly and Cosmic energies to form a fully conscious and integrated energy body that can physically fulfill what we came to co-create as well as remember its purpose for incarnating at this time. Together, they review all past lives with the foreknowledge that a new 26,000 year cycle is about to begin. After their review, they select the most frequently avoided, or abusive, unresolved experiences from previous lifetimes, then consciously choose which letters and numbers to include in their Earthly names and birthdates to resolve those issues. 


The letters of a name reveal the blueprints of emotional and psychological behavior patterns, timing of events, major challenges, and solutions for every situation or encounter.


The vowels of a name reveal the strengths and challenges of the Celestial-Self. The consonants reveal the strengths and challenges of the Earthly-Self. 


The sum of all names, along with their challenges and solutions, represents how WE (Celestial and Earthly Selves) are perceived by the world. “WE” can have Wonderful Experiences, or expend Wasted Energy. The determining factor is the strength and influence of cosmic abandonment issues. If we live reactive lives to be loved, accepted, or in control, we will never have enough, because we will never feel secure. If we live proactive lives and have the courage to do what we love, happiness is the reward.


The numbers of the birth date identify multiple parts of the blueprint. The m/d/y of birth, added horizontally, reveals the Destiny. The total of the birth date added to the total of the birth name reveals the Life Calling. Birth numbers are also used to identify specific life challenges, mental states, as well as the timing and unfolding of opportunities and events.


The choice to include or omit specific letters determines our karmic challenges. The numbers we choose for our m/d/y of birth identify our life’s challenges and their solutions. These choices include challenges as gentle as a caress (loss of recess in first grade) or as harsh as a 40 ton steel I-beam between the eyes (terminal illness, laid off at 55.) For each challenge, there is a specific soulution. The soulution is usually to do less of one thing and more of another or vice versa. For example, one can be either insensitive to the needs of others, or overly sensitive to the needs of others; in either case, there is a need for balance. It is the same with our etheric and physical Selves, they need to be integrated and supportive of each other; if they are not, the Physical Self (Ego,) will self-sabotage the Celestial Self making us more susceptible to health issues, injuries, despair, anxiety, and most importantly the loss of hope. 


Cosmic Numerology identifies the underlying patterns of reactive behaviors that are the catalysts for health issues, stress, failure, rejection, self-esteem, and success. These reactive patterns are the result of false cellular memories generated by feeling, and believing, you were abandoned; first by the Cosmos/Universe/God, then with the severing of the umbilical cord, your Earthly source.  


Let me tell you a story.


The ego-self and soul-self co-create a Yin-Yang bubble constructed of awareness, consciousness, harmony, and purpose. Once they have a shape, they select the letters of their name and the numbers of their birthday. They then select their birth, or adoptive families, and whisper their perspective name into their parent’s ears. There is a final check to guarantee they have sufficient grace to succeed in their Earthly adventure. As they move towards the veil that separates the Celestial and Earthly realms, the ego and soul discuss what they are going to accomplish, and how they will do it together.


However, as soon as their Yin-Yang energy body touches the veil that separates the Celestial and Earthly realms, the ego senses a sudden loss. The soul-self is no longer on the same frequency as the ego-self is calibrated to receive cosmic frequencies, not Earth frequencies. While the celestial-self is recalibrating its frequencies to match those of the ego-self and the third dimension, the ego-self panics. It suddenly finds itself alone and abandoned. It wonders what it did to be so harshly treated. It has no idea that its sibling and partner, the soul-self, is still present and trying to recalibrate its frequency to match those of the ego-self. Just prior to a successful recalibration and reintegration of our soul-self and ego-self, and the knowledge of who we are and why we came here, the ego-self is pushed through the birth canal and enters the physically of the third dimension, alone.


Shortly after birth, the umbilical cord is cut. At this point, the ego-self says, “Hold on, Buckos. I was cut off from my source once; it is not going to happen again!” At this point, the ego-self adopts one of three reactive behavior patterns, doing to be loved, accepted, or in control. This is its way of dealing with both its Cosmic and Earthly abandonment issues. Our primary goal in this lifetime is to reacquaint and reintegrate our earthly and soul selves. Without the integration, we will always self-sabotage ourselves. With integration, we have a written guarantee of success . . . doing what we signed up to do and loving it!


Cosmic Numerology provides accurate answers for any Why, What, or How questions: 

Why don’t I know who I am? Why am I here? Why aren’t things working? What am I supposed to do about…? What do I need to do before I…? What behaviors were the catalysts for my (name the health issue?) Why aren’t my relationships satisfying? What is the meaning of this dream…? How can I improve business sales? How do I change…? 




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The following five-part article is a general description of my belief that “cosmic abandonment issues directly influence every aspect of our lives.  


Part I     A Definition of GOD Energy 

Part II    Feelings of Abandonment 

Part III   Positive and Negative Energy Particles 

Part IV  Manifestation of an Illness or Disease 

Part V   Solutions


I believe that the Yin-Yang energies of our Soul (Cosmic Consciousness) and Ego (everything that composes our physical selves) consciously selects what is needed for growth in this lifetime; choosing, or omitting, specific letters and numbers for a birth name and birth date is a reflection of those choices. These choices are blended together to form the adventures and interactions of our incarnation, and are only made after a “conversation and agreement” between the Ego and Soul, along with a Cosmic guarantee there is sufficient grace to succeed.


Once the numerical sequence of someone’s name and birth data is decoded, in the form of a numerology chart, and the chosen challenges and solutions of the Soul/Ego are color-coded, a picture of life-long behavior patterns emerges. These patterns usually reflect reactive behavior patterns (doing to be loved, accepted, or in control,) that are the catalysts for health issues, injuries, activation of genetic predispositions, personality disorders, retaliation, and ultimately growth.


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Part I. A Definition of GOD Energy 


GOD stands for Gathering Of Deities. The definition of a “deity” usually refers to a god-like divine energy. In Cosmic Numerology, the single digit numbers 1 – 9 symbolically represent the individuation of each of the nine energetic sources that blend together to form our universe, and our realities. I refer to these energies as GOD. 


The GOD energies, represented by the individual numeric frequencies of the single digits 1 through 9, meld their energies, generating enough electromagnetic energy to activate “Potential” into Creation. Our Universe, as well as the Omniverse, is composed of combinations of frequencies derived from the electromagnetic essences of the numbers 1 – 9. 


Potential squares itself (12) to initiate the creation process (i.e., Creation needs harmony to exist. Harmony is established when similar energies gravitating towards each other connect and blend into unified forms of energy (like water molecules in a rain cloud.) Within the fields of these unified energies, partnerships form. All partnerships contain potential; within this potential are the sparks of new creations. Creation is cyclical; it generates the energies it needs to feed itself.


Whatever we call it (God, Spirit, Universe, Cosmos, Grandmother/Grandfather,) its core energy needs to be stepped down to be useful. An analogy would be the energy of a lightning bolt. In its pure state, the electricity locked within the lightning can kill us. However, when we harness this power through transformers that can lower its charge, it becomes useable. It can heat our homes, run our factories, cook our food, or light our cities. The same must be done with the GOD energy. In its pure form, it would blow our electrical circuits. Therefore, the GOD energy also needs to be modified so Creation can begin. When the 9 numbers combine their essences, they form a tenth energy, the energy of 0 (zero.) This 10th energy is the energy of Potential and Creation usually recognized by humans as the god energy. For science, this is the source of the “big bang.”  


Everything in the Third Dimension has its origins in the GOD energy. The drawing below illustrates my perception of how this happens. I have overlaid a nine-box magic square over a line drawing of The Tree Of Life, to illustrate this process.


Prior to entering the transition, we create a life plan and a psychological/emotional blueprint of what we intend to experience when we reach our destination. This blueprint is composed of the letters of our name and the numbers of our birthday. We create this blueprint beforehand, along with a guarantee of success, because we heard that once we start the transition phase, we would lose the memory of whom we truly are and what we volunteered to co-create. It is this temporary “loss of memory” that is the seed of our feelings of Cosmic abandonment or isolation. As we pass through the transition field and extend out from our Source energy, we think to ourselves, “What is going on? Where is everybody? Why am I alone? Did I do something wrong? Am I being punished? Why is it dark? We feel we have been abandoned or “kicked out” with no explanation. This is because the process of individuation has begun.





Part II    Feelings of Abandonment 

Before we can remember that we chose to physically extend and not separate from Spirit, we enter the process of being birthed as a human being. Again we do not remember this was our choice; we only feel the pain of our connection (the umbilical cord) being severed. Again, we ask ourselves, “What is going on? Why am I alone? Did I do something wrong? Why am I being forced out? Doesn’t anyone love me?” These questions are not answered, and we become anxious even fearful thinking that we are alone and abandoned. We think, “This has happened twice. How many more times will I have to experience this pain!?” Our fear of abandonment begins to influence our choices. We decide, through the Ego (Easing God Out,) to adopt a behavior pattern of Self-protection.  


This fear of abandonment leads to four archetypical behavior patterns in humans. At one extreme is codependency at the other extreme is the need for total control of one’s environment. 


Codependency is divided into three sub-categories, Clingers, Enablers, and Doers. Clingers rationalize, “anything is better than being alone” and regardless of how they are treated, find it almost impossible to leave a relationship. Enablers will support negative behavior patterns because of their desire to be loved. Doers make themselves indispensable. Their rationale is, “I’ll do so much for them, they won’t be able to make-do without me.”


Behavior patterns involving control are divided into two subgroups. The first group consists of individuals that choose not to become emotionally involved or attached, to anything. In essence, they hide or deny their emotions and feelings. Their reasoning is, “If don’t connect, I cannot be disconnected.” An example is a sociopath personality. The second sub-group decides that their safest route is to do for others, but not let anyone ‘do’ for them, or ‘to’ them. For example, they will hold the handle of the water fountain so that others may drink in ease, but will not let anyone hold the handle for them for fear that the holder will let go and they will be embarrassed. They feel “others,” cannot be depended upon. (They may also become agitated that no one offers to do for them.)


Like water in a tube, we slosh back and forth between the extremes of control and codependency; we have some codependency issues and some control issues. Our goal is to make more proactive choices and fewer reactive choices. Once we recognize our abandonment issues are the catalysts of our reactive behaviors (i.e., doing to be loved, accepted, or in control)


Our Soul’s did not choose to come to Earth to experience pain and suffering. They chose to come here as co-creators. Feelings associated with abandonment block the memories associated with our Cosmic origins.


Part III   Positive and Negative Energy Particles 

Our Universe is composed of energy. This energy has both a positive and negative electromagnetic charge. According to science, negative particles of energy are larger than positive particles of energy. So, visualize positive energy as a small round ball, and negative energy as being somewhat larger with an irregular shape and jagged edges. Even though these particles are different in size and shape, they flow harmoniously through the universe and our body’s systems (e.g., nervous, circulatory, digestive, muscular, etc...) They are the energies of Creation. They are “potential.”


The proportion of negative to positive energy in our etheric and physical bodies increases in direct proportion to the intensity of our abandonment/separation issues. Every time we do something to be loved, accepted, or to maintain control, we pump one additional particle of negative energy into our bodies. As the proportion of negative particles increases, so does the probability of developing health issues. The illnesses and diseases we are most prone to manifest, are those that match the numbers of our various life challenges.


Part IV   Manifestation of an Illness or Disease

Health issues or injuries can result from karmic choices, reactive behavior patterns, or by the failure to honor our Life Plan.  


The manifestation of illness and disease begins the moment we choose the path of self-protection based on fears of abandonment. This applies to those that consciously distance themselves from all relationships, as well as those that choose codependent relationships. 


Let us go back to positive/negative particles of energy, for a moment. Every time we do something to be loved, accepted, or in control, we are acting out of fear; the fear we are not good enough, and will ultimately be abandoned. This behavior pattern causes additional particles of negative energy to enter our system increasing the probability of collisions with other negative particles. Once two negative particles collide, they become enmeshed creating an even larger target for other negative particles. As this mass of negative particles expands, it forms a wedge, or a constriction, that dam up the energy. Positive particles cannot pass through and if they can, it’s only as a trickle. When we recognize this happening in our body, we identify the blockage as an inflammation. 


The following terms have been ranked in the order of their numeric sums. I have chosen this ranking to demonstrate the relationship between letters and numbers, and their correlation with the developmental stages of a health issue or injury.


Inflammation = 55/1

An inflammation is the initial (1) visual manifestation of a blockage caused by excess negative energy. It is the point from which negative energy expands. Initiated by “I-n-flame,” an internalization of anger or frustration (by the Ego) that generates heat and inhibits forward movement.


Pain = 22/4

Our physical body, our foundation (4,) seeks our attention. The double twos indicate interactions involving others. Pain is calling us to look at our foundation issues (4.) Its appearance is related to an imbalance in energies relating to sensitivity, timely communication, compromise, harmony (e.g., emotions, relationships, anxieties,) and releasing emotional and sentimental attachments (2.)


Acute    = 14/5

A spike of excess negative energy causing a physical response within the body, e.g., banging a sore finger on the edge of a table. Or a constriction (4) in the flow of energy due to low self-esteem or a lack of Self-awareness (1) for example, situations that involve mucus (14/5) generated by a “head cold”. The mucus can represent “backed up” feelings or emotions that overflow through the throat (1.) This leads to coughing (48/3,) the physical body is trying to rid itself of bottled up feelings or emotions. 


Infection = 50/5

The movement of negative energy into adjoining areas. An infection calls our attention to what we have been inattentive to. It calls for attentiveness and being present (5) in the moment. It also calls for self-confidence, letting go, and moving forward.


Chronic = 43/7

Control issues (4,) combined with pessimism or feelings of inadequacy (3,) make it difficult for the mind/body to heal itself (7.) Control issues are associated with the universal core issue of abandonment. Pessimism (3) and procrastination or stubbornness (4) can lead to long-term depression or a state a mental, emotional, or physical paralysis (7.) 


Disease = 26/8     

The manifestation of negative energy in a physical form involving sensitivity, timely communication (2,) personal responsibility (6,) and personal empowerment (8); also tied in with Karmic (28/1) Lessons (22/4…[50/5].) Inflammation – 1, pain – 4, infection – 5.


Virus    = 26/8

Deals with issues of group sensitivity (2,) responsibility (6,) and individual consequences (8.) A virus, electronic or physical, always affects groups. Viruses are agents for change.    


Karma = 17/8  

Fears of abandonment and/or loss of control may prevent an individual from finishing what they started. Karma is unfinished business. The numbers represent: Self-tests (1); learning about trust, vulnerability, patience, (7); issues involving the use and abuse of personal power (8.)


Illness = 27/9 

An illness is the emotional manifestation of negative energy. The stuffing or internalizing of emotions becomes the catalyst for the physical manifestation of a disease. The numbers represent self-expression and communicating feelings (2); learning about trust, vulnerability, patience, and letting go of a “need to be needed” (7.) A 9 here indicates a tendency to internalize not only personal emotions but also those of others. The negative 9 can also represent a very strong need to be thanked, recognized, appreciated, or loved.


Following are some examples and brief descriptions of the relationship between life challenges and diseases. For more detailed descriptions and explanations, refer to my book Know Your Self, Heal Your Self. (The numbers in parentheses represent the numerical equivalent of the letter values of the disease being discussed.)


Alzheimer’s Disease =  79/16/7

The numeric pattern of 79/16/7 shows that this disease is a result of unresolved issues involving the need to be in control (7,) internalizing emotions (9,) being overly protective of others (79,) having a lack of self-esteem (1,) and a concern about making mistakes or being misunderstood (7.) I believe that individuals that “contract” this illness have tried to, mentally or physically, control their environment due to very strong feelings about abandonment. They have tried throughout their entire lives to put ‘square pegs’ into round holes (16.) They may see themselves as martyrs (the cause only known to them.) They offer advice when it has not been asked for then become frustrated, disappointed, angry, inflexible or unforgiving when their advice (26/8) or assistance is ignored. Their anxiety (35/8) about not being able to make everything perfect for everyone all of the time (16,) places a strain on their nervous system (53/8.) They may have a messianic sense of responsibility (16/7) i.e., a need to save or protect everyone and a belief that if they do not, their inadequacies will be pointed out by others (7.) There is also a tendency to internalize their emotions and not “release” them (9,) placing additional strain on their nervous system. 




Other patterns involve issues related to control and retaliation. 

If an individual always needed to maintain control, now they have no control. They must be totally dependent on others for their well-being. The other side of the coin is an individual that was always doing for another or others, now others will do for them.


Number 7 lessons are about trust, skepticism, control, faith, patience, and surrender.

A proactive 7 is trusting, spiritual, analytical, psychic, introspective, empathetic, objective, open, and vulnerable, a seeker of knowledge, patient, aware of a bigger picture.


A reactive 7 can be:  willful, controlling, faithless, fearful, impatient, have a need to be needed, emotionally closed, suffer paralysis (mental, emotional, or physical) as a result of being overly analytical, emotionally disconnected, a zealot, a martyr


The ultimate consequence of this disease is an involuntary loss of mental and physical control leading to total dependency on others; the opposite their lifelong behavior pattern – vulnerability vs. self-control. 


Breast (20/2) Cancer (26/8) = 46/1

An over sensitivity (2) to the needs of others (6) causing a suppression of Self (1) along with control issues (4.) What is interesting is that it occurs more often in women than men and is located near the heart Chakra. 


Cancer is an 8 and deals with self-empowerment issues. Don’t be afraid to say “yes” or “no” to others. The deeper we bury something, whether it is a dream, an emotion, or a feeling the more it wants to surface. Catalysts for cancer are unrealistic expectations, issues involving responsibility, difficulty-letting go of emotional or physical attachments, repressed feelings, and unresolved emotions; there is a churning at the cellular level that can evolve into anger or frustration. These emotions and feelings are associated with core issues related to love, control, and abandonment. In this instance, the anger or frustration is triggered by feelings of not being appreciated for who you are and what you do for others. The 8 total for cancer is about having the courage to “walk your talk.”    


Chronic (43/7)  Fatigue (33/6)   = 76/13/4

The combination of 76/13/4 indicates this is related to a lack of self-acceptance (1) along with self-imposed feelings of inadequacy (3.) This can lead to procrastination or stubbornness (4) which itself can lead to a state of physical exhaustion (7.) These individuals also have a tendency to commit themselves to “doing for others” to the point of martyrdom (33/6) thereby depleting their sense of self and energy (1.) The 7 indicates aspects of needing to be in control due to a fear/anxiety about abandonment and vulnerability. Trying to maintain control is very tiring . . . even exhausting. 


The 13 is a karmic number representing a cycle of death and rebirth. This cycle is interrupted because the individual is skeptical of the outcome and gets lost in the details to the point of procrastination (4.) The 1 and the 3 indicate low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy.


Colitis = 33/6

Perfectionist tendencies and high expectations for self or others (6) along with an inclination toward martyrdom, disturbs the digestive system (third chakra.) Also present is an imbalance in the area of the third chakra caused by feelings of inadequacy. (Abandoned, transposes to a 33.)


Alcoholic = 42/6  

An alcoholic has sensitivity and communication issues (2) as well as abandonment (40/4) and control issues (4) that make them reactive in their interactions. Unrealistic expectations of themselves and others can bring frustration and a touch of martyrdom (6) 


Alcoholism = 44/8 – an inability to stand up for self-beliefs and an inability to make decisions (44) leads to internalized frustration and externalized anger (8.) There is also the element of procrastination (4) and fears of abandonment.


Cold = 16/7

A karmic number indicating a messianic behavior pattern (i.e., feeling personally responsible for making certain that there are no mistakes so your image remains intact and unchallenged.) This can also represent a time when responsibility can seem overwhelming (6) causing self-esteem issues to arise (1.) This can lead to “forcing an issue” (16.) 


A cold is the energy that reminds us to let go. It brings about a state of being incapacitated or paralyzed in some way – physically, mentally, and emotionally. It provides time to investigate the lesson to be learned. It is said, a cold lasts nine days – three days coming, three days here, and three days leaving. Three’s deal with a need for more focus and less scattering of personal energy.


Acquired (42/6) Immune (30/3) Deficiency (56/2) Syndrome (41/5)  = 169/16/7

Individuals (1) not being responsible for their actions (6) because they want love in their life (9) . . . underlying cause of the behavior patterns is the abandonment issue. The 16 being a karmic number indicates the probability of catastrophic events resulting from personal actions that run counter to what you “feel” is the right thing to do.


Part V   Solutions

How do we alter our reactive patterns? We begin by learning to honor our Self. It’s obvious that this is easier said than done. Why is it so hard to honor our Self? Because to do so, usually calls down the wrath of those we have always put first. I call these individuals spiritual trainers or employees. Much like hiring a someone to help us get into better physical condition, we hire spiritual trainers to help us with our spiritual awakening. We audition them, hand them a script and a check, and tell them to question our abilities, our motives, our decisions, and our dreams. They will utter phrases like:  “Don’t be so selfish.” “You’ve changed.” “You’re not the person I used to know.” “You’ll never succeed.” “You never do what I want.” “You don’t care.” “That’s really stupid.” “You think you’re better than everyone else.” “If you loved me you would . . . .” These are all “hooks” to snag us and draw us back into manipulative relationships, relationships where we did things to be loved, accepted, recognized, appreciated, thanked, or to maintain control. These are people we wrote into our life script to test our resolve, and to teach us to honor what we feel (and know) in our hearts to be true. Sometimes this requires us to leave relationships, partnerships, even friendships. Passing these “built-in” tests will allow us to start doing what we love instead of “doing” to be loved, accepted, or in control. These trainers will help us remember our divine mission.


How do you know when a trainer appears in your life? Simple, your blood pressure instantly rises by 100 points, or you feel unsettled or have knots in your stomach area. The first thing to do is, go in your head, and mentally say to yourself, “Oh, one of my trainers has shown up; what am I paying them to teach me today. This action will allow you to mentally step aside and look at the situation more objectively.


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In my textbook Know Your Numbers, Know Your Self, I talk about the importance of the . This number is derived from the month and day of birth, which identifies everyone’s core issue, and greatest strength. It is the hub of our numerological wheel; all of the other numbers in our chart radiate from it like spokes on a wheel. It determines our tendencies towards reactive behavior. It is the key number for determining right action and overcoming our abandonment issues.


Until we become aware of and resolve the issues associated with our Achievement Number, its negative aspects rule our lives. If for example your Achievement Number is a 3, you must learn to finish what you start by overcoming feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and inferiority. Whether it’s flipping pancakes or performing brain surgery, if you feel/know in your heart that you are the best at what you do, and love doing it, then the feelings of inadequacy and insecurity dissolve and never return.


Listed below, is a brief description of the concepts associated with each Achievement Number.


– Interactions Involving the Self 

– Interactions Involving Others 

– Interactions Involving Communications and Social Interactions 

– Interactions with Control, “Getting It Done” 

– Interactions Involving Change and Movement 

– Interactions Involving Family, Community, Relationships 

– Interactions Involving Trust, Skepticism, and Control 

– Interactions Involving Power, Money, Control, or Status 

– Interactions Involving Selflessness  or Codependency

0 – Interactions Related to Spirit (trust and faith) 



Every challenge has a solution. What is most interesting about the solution to the Achievement Number is that regardless of which of the nine Achievement numbers you have chosen for your Self, the solution for every Achievement challenge is 9. The solution is to always act and think for the highest good of all, by doing what you love and what gives you the greatest joy. The solution of 9 also indicates that we must overcome the fears associated with that aspect of our Self we call Ego. To do this, the Ego needs to communicate with its higher Self (Soul) thereby overcoming the fear that it is alone, unloved, and abandoned and that its existence on Earth is a punishment for some unknown action it cannot remember. None of this is true. Our Soul never forgets its connection with the GOD energy. Our soul has consciously decided to enter the earth realm to complete its divine mission. It did not come here to be in pain, experience loneliness, or “screw up.”


The prescription for healing your Self is to follow your heart not your head. To do this, you need to do what you love and stop “doing” to be loved, accepted, recognized, thanked, or trying to maintain control. 







Michael is the author of Numerology for Healing and Numerology for Decoding Behavior both by Inner Traditions/Bear & CO. He has also written a textbook Know Your Numbers, Know Your Self: Discovering the Solutions to Your Life’s Challenges that describes his system of Cosmic Numerology and is available through his website www.awakener.com. 


Michael is available for consultations and presentations; he can be reached via email at or on his cellphone 561-866-5479.

Cosmic Numerology

By: Michael Brill